I've been talking for a long time about how I was working on publishing a version of Savannah's scrapbook and about the cd project to go with it. Well, it's finally finished :) I worked out all the pages in a digi-scrap format and got it printed through Lulu.com - then added little bits of special touches - rhinestone stickers, 3-d elements, mini books - one that even has a buckle to open it.
Then I conned my sister, Cheri into helping me with my cd project.
And it all came together today - (It only took 7 months hehe) and I finished the website :) Let me know what you think. :)
http://www.savannah-rose.com
God bless you!
- Heidi
Friday, September 18, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
A Neat Blog I Started Reading Today
I ran across a link to a really neat blog today. It is the journey of a family who buys and old Amish farm and lives without electricity etc.
http://eclecticculturefarm.blogspot.com
I imagined when we were looking to buy this house that our life would look a little bit like this. Of course, God had a slightly different plan in mind. :)
Anyway - just wanted to share a blog that I'm sure you'll enjoy!
http://eclecticculturefarm.blogspot.com
I imagined when we were looking to buy this house that our life would look a little bit like this. Of course, God had a slightly different plan in mind. :)
Anyway - just wanted to share a blog that I'm sure you'll enjoy!
Monday, September 7, 2009
Summer Fun
A few weeks ago, we had one of those really hot August days that have been so rare this summer - the kind of day that makes the kids wish we had a pool - the kind of day that makes you actually consider really crazy things like going to a water park. :) Fortunately, we have creative people around here who can come up with better ideas!
Mike pulled out a large tarp and the boys set it up on a small hill with some rocks to hold it in place. Micha didn't want to go down the makeshift water slide so he was conned into holding the hose.
Going down the slide is fun, ending up in the mud at the bottom is a little more concerning!
I don't know what Lissa said to earn the extra spray. Wow, that well water's cold!
Manda says, "Whee!"
Terran comes *flying* down the hill!
Maybe that was a little TOO fast!
"My turn! my turn!" Emilie needs a push.
What a fun way to spend a hot summer day!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Catching Up
Dear Friends,
What a strange and cool summer it's been here in Wisconsin. It's hard to believe it's already pretty much over! Life has been busy here at the Kaether homestead, and it's been quite a while since I've written here. So, I thought I'd write a catch up post before going on with the last two dragons.
So what all have we been doing?
Picking cherries and canning cherry pie filling.
Picking raspberries and black raspberries and making jam.
Canning up a bushel of peaches.
Shredding and freezing zucchini.
Picking blackberries and making more jam.
Picking apples and planning to make applesauce.
Watching the corn and the peppers and the pumpkins which are just about to be ready.
Figuring out when and how to harvest the pears and the hickory nuts and black walnuts.
Eating the tomatoes about as fast as they come in. :)
I feel like this is all free (or nearly free) food that God has provided for us and I'd better take advantage of it while it's here. Kind of like when God gave the Israelites manna and they had to make sure they got out there and picked it up at the time God gave it to them.
The other day, I made for the very first time, my own tzaziki sauce. I didn't plant cucumbers this year, but a friend gave me a few from her garden. We love gyros, so I tried an experiment. I browned ground beef and seasoned it with greek seasoning, then served it with homemade tzaziki sauce, fresh tomatoes from our garden, and flour tortillas (in place of pitas). I have to admit they weren't as good as the real thing, but they weren't bad at all, and the tzaziki sauce itself was so yummy!
My sister, Cheri came down from Minnesota for a weekend and we recorded a couple of songs for our new cd - now finished! entitled "Through God's Eyes ~ Songs of Comfort and Praise for the Valley".
I've also been working hard on the published version of Savannah's Story, which I decided to call, "Right Where I Belong". I just got my proof copy from Lulu.com today and it is finally mistake-free and ready to offer for sale! I am excited to see how God can use Savannah's story to bless others.
I am still not pregnant. I never expected that six months later, I'd still be waiting. But I am learning to trust (again) that God really does know what He's doing and His timing is perfect. Sometimes the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. And I want so badly for God to heal my heart in the way *I* think would be most healing - a new baby. But, as I was proof reading my book this afternoon, I read again what I said about the light and the shadow in my pictures.
"In my life there are times of darkness - wintery times. And like taking a photograph with a flash, I've tried to force my own ideas of light into the situation. Although they may seem to help a little, they lack the power to transform my life into something truly beautiful. It's just a flat copy of what could be." And I realized, that's just what I'm doing when I want to kick my heels and scream like a two year old - "It's not fair!" I'm trying to force God into my concept of what's best for me. Lord, give me the eyes of faith to see Your picture that You're painting in my life - a picture where the shadows are perhaps the most beautiful part!
I'm working on building up an inventory of dresses for Daddy's Little Princess for the Christmas season. I'm going to have some big changes coming for DLP in the new year (you can read more about it here: http://www.daddys-little-princess.com/dlporganics.html ) and so I'm hoping to make the Christmas season a little simpler this year so that I can concentrate on making the new website and getting everything ready to go. I just got my new labels - even they are made of organic cotton! - and I'm so pleased with how beautifully they turned out. (Thank you, Lisa at clothinglabels4u.com!)
I've been missing my big boys a lot as they've been working for my brother-in-law for the summer, baby sitting his children, and gone a whole week at a time. Micha comes home tomorrow - just in time to celebrate Juli's 10th birthday! Wow, does time fly!
And most of all we've been - watching the weeds and the children grow faster than you can imagine!!
God bless you all
- Heidi
What a strange and cool summer it's been here in Wisconsin. It's hard to believe it's already pretty much over! Life has been busy here at the Kaether homestead, and it's been quite a while since I've written here. So, I thought I'd write a catch up post before going on with the last two dragons.
So what all have we been doing?
Picking cherries and canning cherry pie filling.
Picking raspberries and black raspberries and making jam.
Canning up a bushel of peaches.
Shredding and freezing zucchini.
Picking blackberries and making more jam.
Picking apples and planning to make applesauce.
Watching the corn and the peppers and the pumpkins which are just about to be ready.
Figuring out when and how to harvest the pears and the hickory nuts and black walnuts.
Eating the tomatoes about as fast as they come in. :)
I feel like this is all free (or nearly free) food that God has provided for us and I'd better take advantage of it while it's here. Kind of like when God gave the Israelites manna and they had to make sure they got out there and picked it up at the time God gave it to them.
The other day, I made for the very first time, my own tzaziki sauce. I didn't plant cucumbers this year, but a friend gave me a few from her garden. We love gyros, so I tried an experiment. I browned ground beef and seasoned it with greek seasoning, then served it with homemade tzaziki sauce, fresh tomatoes from our garden, and flour tortillas (in place of pitas). I have to admit they weren't as good as the real thing, but they weren't bad at all, and the tzaziki sauce itself was so yummy!
My sister, Cheri came down from Minnesota for a weekend and we recorded a couple of songs for our new cd - now finished! entitled "Through God's Eyes ~ Songs of Comfort and Praise for the Valley".
I've also been working hard on the published version of Savannah's Story, which I decided to call, "Right Where I Belong". I just got my proof copy from Lulu.com today and it is finally mistake-free and ready to offer for sale! I am excited to see how God can use Savannah's story to bless others.
I am still not pregnant. I never expected that six months later, I'd still be waiting. But I am learning to trust (again) that God really does know what He's doing and His timing is perfect. Sometimes the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. And I want so badly for God to heal my heart in the way *I* think would be most healing - a new baby. But, as I was proof reading my book this afternoon, I read again what I said about the light and the shadow in my pictures.
"In my life there are times of darkness - wintery times. And like taking a photograph with a flash, I've tried to force my own ideas of light into the situation. Although they may seem to help a little, they lack the power to transform my life into something truly beautiful. It's just a flat copy of what could be." And I realized, that's just what I'm doing when I want to kick my heels and scream like a two year old - "It's not fair!" I'm trying to force God into my concept of what's best for me. Lord, give me the eyes of faith to see Your picture that You're painting in my life - a picture where the shadows are perhaps the most beautiful part!
I'm working on building up an inventory of dresses for Daddy's Little Princess for the Christmas season. I'm going to have some big changes coming for DLP in the new year (you can read more about it here: http://www.daddys-little-princess.com/dlporganics.html ) and so I'm hoping to make the Christmas season a little simpler this year so that I can concentrate on making the new website and getting everything ready to go. I just got my new labels - even they are made of organic cotton! - and I'm so pleased with how beautifully they turned out. (Thank you, Lisa at clothinglabels4u.com!)
I've been missing my big boys a lot as they've been working for my brother-in-law for the summer, baby sitting his children, and gone a whole week at a time. Micha comes home tomorrow - just in time to celebrate Juli's 10th birthday! Wow, does time fly!
And most of all we've been - watching the weeds and the children grow faster than you can imagine!!
God bless you all
- Heidi
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Slaying the Dragons - Nature vs. Nurture / Physical vs. Mental
We all look at the world through the lens of what we believe. I acknowledge the fact that my thoughts about all these dragons are biased by what I believe to be true.
1. I believe that God is in control. He is the great Physician, and every means we use for healing, needs to acknowledge Him as such.
2. I believe that God created our bodies to heal themselves. A cut closes up and grows new skin, cold germs are eventually conquered, a bone will knit itself back together, even things like diabetes and cancer have been known to reverse themselves with proper nutrition. The means of healing that acknowledge and work with or enhance that natural God given tendency, usually work best with the fewest negative side effects.
3. I believe that our natural tendency as sinful human beings is to want to live life our own way without consequences and not only that, but with perfection. We want to eat as much refined sugar as we want without acknowledging the connection to cavities and diabetes, and at the same time, have a body that looks like we work out at the gym 5 days a week. We want to smoke a pack a day and blame the tobacco company when we get lung cancer. We want to eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die - but without the dying part. And when cavities, diabetes, obesity, high blood pressure, and other chronic health problems become a part of our lives, we want a magic potion to take it all away. Poof! I am as guilty of this as anyone, as a simple trip to the bathroom scale would tell you.
4. I believe that our society finds it less and less acceptable to have variations of normal. Everyone must be at the same level of happiness and health, or something is considered wrong. It is already at the point where we are told that we "deserve" to live a life free of sadness, pain, fear, and anger. Why live through it and fight it for years when we can get a pill that will "fix" it now? The next step is the idea that those who don't pursuit medical treatment for their emotional dragons are in some sense neglecting and abusing themselves and those around them. We see this already happening in cases where people wish to use something other than the accepted treatment for certain health issues. There is such a need in our society to assign blame, it is not far fetched to foresee a day when doctors *require* their patients to take mind altering drugs, simply to cover themselves against lawsuits.
I realize that this worldview colors and shapes my view of things like mood disorders and mental illness. This doesn't mean that I don't see the possibility of a physical component to things like anxiety, depression, and anger. First of all, genetics probably do play a part in ones tendency to certain dragons. We have depression all through my family on both sides. I remember however a conversation I had with a doctor about vaccines and autism. She said that new studies had proved that the vaccines and their mercury did not cause autism. The genetic tendency to autism was already there. The vaccine just triggered it. Somehow she thought this argument removed any fault from the vaccine. To my way of thinking, it did just the opposite. The genetic tendency may have been there, but without the vaccine to trigger it, it would likely have either stayed dormant or been much less severe. The same is true with mental illnesses. The genetic tendency is there, but without the constant nurturing of those feelings, it would not have the same amount of power to control.
Second, mental things affect the physical. There may well be a chemical imbalance - too little serotonin, too much adrenaline, etc. Our dwelt upon thoughts and feelings can literally *cause* more or less of certain chemicals to be made. Those chemicals can then make us more susceptible to those thoughts and feelings, which then cause more of those chemical imbalances. That's why anti-anxiety and anti-depression drugs seem to work. But, like taking an aspirin for a headache that is caused by caffeine withdrawal, taking mood medications do nothing for the underlying cause.
Third, physical things do affect the mental. Things like poor diet or lack of exercise, a lack of sunlight or a lack of time in God's word can all affect our moods. Too much potassium can make us feel irritable. A deficiency of B vitamins can cause a lack of energy and depression. Certain medications can affect certain people badly, such as the panic attack reactions I've had to the epinephrine in the numbing shot at the dentist's. And then, there are hormones - hormones that are affected by diet, pregnancy, nursing, puberty, pre-menopause, menopause, physical illness, abuse, and grief. When depression, fear, or anger come crashing down upon us out of the blue, seemingly swallowing us up before we even have a thought to try to take captive, I think probably 99% of those cases are hormonal in nature. In those times, I've found what works best for me is either to choose to wait and rest in God, clinging to the knowledge that what I am feeling isn't real and it will pass eventually, and/or I can prayerfully study out what might be causing my hormonal imbalances and choose supportive foods and herbs that may work with my body to help even out the hormones that are out of whack.
I do have one caveat. A person may live a lifetime eating poorly and find out that he has diabetes. That person may well be in such trouble physically that he has no choice but to take insulin to treat his diabetes. Simply working to fix his problem nutritionally takes longer and he may die before it works. He then must prayerfully make his choice to either go on living his life however he wants to - letting the medication "take care of it", or to change his lifestyle with the goal of eventually healing his body and being able to live without the insulin shots. The question is, do you see it as a magic cure or as a cast holding a broken bone in place until it can heal? I can see the possibility of coming to the same point with a mental illness. It would take an awful lot to get to that point for myself as too many of the cases I've seen and those I've heard about have had serious personality changes, a dulling of both the emotions and seemingly of the soul itself, addiction, and / or what I've heard described as the brain turning to mush. Personally, I find the cure more scary than the disease. :)
1. I believe that God is in control. He is the great Physician, and every means we use for healing, needs to acknowledge Him as such.
2. I believe that God created our bodies to heal themselves. A cut closes up and grows new skin, cold germs are eventually conquered, a bone will knit itself back together, even things like diabetes and cancer have been known to reverse themselves with proper nutrition. The means of healing that acknowledge and work with or enhance that natural God given tendency, usually work best with the fewest negative side effects.
3. I believe that our natural tendency as sinful human beings is to want to live life our own way without consequences and not only that, but with perfection. We want to eat as much refined sugar as we want without acknowledging the connection to cavities and diabetes, and at the same time, have a body that looks like we work out at the gym 5 days a week. We want to smoke a pack a day and blame the tobacco company when we get lung cancer. We want to eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die - but without the dying part. And when cavities, diabetes, obesity, high blood pressure, and other chronic health problems become a part of our lives, we want a magic potion to take it all away. Poof! I am as guilty of this as anyone, as a simple trip to the bathroom scale would tell you.
4. I believe that our society finds it less and less acceptable to have variations of normal. Everyone must be at the same level of happiness and health, or something is considered wrong. It is already at the point where we are told that we "deserve" to live a life free of sadness, pain, fear, and anger. Why live through it and fight it for years when we can get a pill that will "fix" it now? The next step is the idea that those who don't pursuit medical treatment for their emotional dragons are in some sense neglecting and abusing themselves and those around them. We see this already happening in cases where people wish to use something other than the accepted treatment for certain health issues. There is such a need in our society to assign blame, it is not far fetched to foresee a day when doctors *require* their patients to take mind altering drugs, simply to cover themselves against lawsuits.
I realize that this worldview colors and shapes my view of things like mood disorders and mental illness. This doesn't mean that I don't see the possibility of a physical component to things like anxiety, depression, and anger. First of all, genetics probably do play a part in ones tendency to certain dragons. We have depression all through my family on both sides. I remember however a conversation I had with a doctor about vaccines and autism. She said that new studies had proved that the vaccines and their mercury did not cause autism. The genetic tendency to autism was already there. The vaccine just triggered it. Somehow she thought this argument removed any fault from the vaccine. To my way of thinking, it did just the opposite. The genetic tendency may have been there, but without the vaccine to trigger it, it would likely have either stayed dormant or been much less severe. The same is true with mental illnesses. The genetic tendency is there, but without the constant nurturing of those feelings, it would not have the same amount of power to control.
Second, mental things affect the physical. There may well be a chemical imbalance - too little serotonin, too much adrenaline, etc. Our dwelt upon thoughts and feelings can literally *cause* more or less of certain chemicals to be made. Those chemicals can then make us more susceptible to those thoughts and feelings, which then cause more of those chemical imbalances. That's why anti-anxiety and anti-depression drugs seem to work. But, like taking an aspirin for a headache that is caused by caffeine withdrawal, taking mood medications do nothing for the underlying cause.
Third, physical things do affect the mental. Things like poor diet or lack of exercise, a lack of sunlight or a lack of time in God's word can all affect our moods. Too much potassium can make us feel irritable. A deficiency of B vitamins can cause a lack of energy and depression. Certain medications can affect certain people badly, such as the panic attack reactions I've had to the epinephrine in the numbing shot at the dentist's. And then, there are hormones - hormones that are affected by diet, pregnancy, nursing, puberty, pre-menopause, menopause, physical illness, abuse, and grief. When depression, fear, or anger come crashing down upon us out of the blue, seemingly swallowing us up before we even have a thought to try to take captive, I think probably 99% of those cases are hormonal in nature. In those times, I've found what works best for me is either to choose to wait and rest in God, clinging to the knowledge that what I am feeling isn't real and it will pass eventually, and/or I can prayerfully study out what might be causing my hormonal imbalances and choose supportive foods and herbs that may work with my body to help even out the hormones that are out of whack.
I do have one caveat. A person may live a lifetime eating poorly and find out that he has diabetes. That person may well be in such trouble physically that he has no choice but to take insulin to treat his diabetes. Simply working to fix his problem nutritionally takes longer and he may die before it works. He then must prayerfully make his choice to either go on living his life however he wants to - letting the medication "take care of it", or to change his lifestyle with the goal of eventually healing his body and being able to live without the insulin shots. The question is, do you see it as a magic cure or as a cast holding a broken bone in place until it can heal? I can see the possibility of coming to the same point with a mental illness. It would take an awful lot to get to that point for myself as too many of the cases I've seen and those I've heard about have had serious personality changes, a dulling of both the emotions and seemingly of the soul itself, addiction, and / or what I've heard described as the brain turning to mush. Personally, I find the cure more scary than the disease. :)
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Slaying the Dragons - The Blue Dragon
Next in line is the blue dragon - Depression. It is amazing just how many many people struggle with depression these days. It seems the harder we as human beings try to be happy, the worse off we end up. I just recently read an article that stated that the women's movement has been largely successful in giving women the choices and freedoms that they wanted, but that *more* women are unhappy now.
Like the other dragons, Depression usually starts out as a little egg in selfish poor-me thinking. I remember even as a child, turning everything around to being my fault in my head and spending a great deal of time feeling sorry for myself. I grew up with a mom who spoke negatively about herself much of the time too so in some ways I suppose I came by it naturally, but that doesn't make it alright. I remember reading in the Bible that we should "love our neighbor as ourself" and wondering how that could be a good thing when I hated myself. Every thought I spoke toward myself was critical. Considering this pattern started by the time I was 6 or 7 years old, it's no wonder that it had grown to be in control of me by the time I hit puberty. And then the hormones came in and compounded everything. Life became nothing but darkness and pain. I'd lay on my bed, listening to the radio and just thinking - seldom good thoughts. I prayed over and over for God to take me Home to Heaven. I thought about how much better off everyone would be without me around. And eventually, after listening to those lies long enough, my thinking became so deluded that I actually believed it was God's will for me to kill myself. Looking back, I'm amazed that my logic could be so completely messed up, but there, in my 18 year old brain that I'd filled for years with lies and darkness - yes, *I* did it to myself - it made pefect sense. I am so ashamed at what I put the people who loved me through - at how truly selfish I was.
As I lay in a hospital bed wondering why God had not let me die, I came to see that He had a purpose for my life. It didn't get all better right away. There were years of fighting that dragon still to come, but the journey was begun and I am so thankful for it!
As with the other dragons, thanking and praising God, letting Him live through us, and taking thoughts captive is key. No matter what dragon you face in your life, those things will be crucial to be able to slay it, but there are times when it seems impossible to even do those things. Sometimes the canyon of wrong thinking has grown so deep that from the bottom, there seems to be no way up. It seems useless to even try. Here are some things that have helped me start climbing - simply putting one foot in front of the other in spite of the seeming futility of it all - until one day, I could look back and see progress!
First - get busy! I've often wondered why it is that more people suffer from depression now than say 100 years ago. I've come to believe that a lot of it may be simply more time to think. When great grandmother spent her days from before sun-up to after sun-down chasing toddlers, cleaning so much more and better than I do today, scrubbing the laundry by hand and hanging it to dry, taking care of animals and gardens, canning, making the soap and the candles, cooking everything from scratch, sewing all of their clothes, she went to bed tired but satisfied with all she had accomplished and content to have a life filled with purpose. Everything she did contributed to her family's survival. Today, we may rush around more, keeping ourselves busy with activity after activity, but at the end of the day, the brain is still way too active, leaving ourselves time to think upon our *selves*. Too much introspection is not a good thing. There may be times when we don't *feel* like doing anything and we have to force ourselves to just try. Sometimes simply going for a walk in the sunshine (or just the fresh air on days when the sun isn't shining) can be enough to get us started. Sometimes depression can be worsened by a lack of sunlight and a lack of exercise, so a walk can help both of those things. Even if it's just a little bit, it is a start, and it gives your brain something to think about besides your feelings.
Second, stop believing lies. When you tell yourself, "I'm an idiot" or "I never do anything right", you are telling yourself a lie. And we all know who the father of lies is. The truth is that you are special, dear, precious, loved, a wonderful child of God. When you tell yourself those negative things, what you are really saying is, "God made me garbage." "He doesn't really care about me." We are lying not just about ourselves, but about God too! We have spent so many days of our lives telling ourselves these wrong things. We need to acknowledge them as wrong and start laying down the paths that are right. It will take many days, months, even years of right thinking to dig out of those canyons, but it is not hopeless. We need to immerse ourselves in the truth. Turning on Christian music, spending time in Bible reading, reading other Christian books are all ways of doing this. One of the books that I found helpful was called Come Away My Beloved by Frances J. Roberts. Adding one section of that book a day to my time of Bible reading helped bring God's words to a personal level. I started to understand and truly believe that God loves ME! What an incredible revelation this is! And when I realized how much He loves me and is personally involved in my life, I began to literally fall in love with Him. This falling in love, brings thoughts of Him rather than thoughts of *self* to the forefront of our minds.
Which brings us to the third action - take JOY! I'm sure you've heard the acronym before - Jesus, Others, Yourself. Often we limit this to meaning what's most important in our lives, and this is true. But it's easy to say, Jesus is more important to me than myself, while still acting like I am more important. It was a huge leap in understanding for me to see that all those critical thoughts toward myself were just as selfish and wrong as too many self-loving and arrogant thoughts. In truth, self hating, poor-me, sorry for myself thoughts are just another form of self love. Because, what we love most is what we think about most. The Bible tells us in Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." What is more true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy than a dear, wonderful, almighty yet personable God? Proverbs 23:7 says, "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." The things we think about most are the kind of person we become! So our thoughts need to be so much more on God first, others second, and ourselves least.
This simply thinking of others is another great way to combat our dragons and make it easier to take our thoughts captive. There are so many needs around us that we can pray about and give and do where and what we can. Getting outside ourselves is a huge help in this battle of the mind. In the turning channels to take our thoughts captive, the channel of petition for others is another one of the more powerful channels to turn to.
All these things are not the answer in themselves, they are merely tools. There was apparently a study recently that said that "positive thinking" doesn't help depression. If our "positive" thoughts are not based in the Biblically true, right, and good things and in our personal relationship with our Lord and Savior, they are not going to be much help. And as we said with the yellow dragon, if our positive thoughts are trying to take those negative thoughts and switch them, while still really holding onto the negatives, they can't do much good then either. But as these tools bring us into a closer relationship with our wonderful Heavenly Father, He works in our hearts and changes us from the inside out. Over the years of fellowshipping with my Lord, my heart has literally been changed from a heart of darkness and stone, to one that is soft and open to the joy and peace God wants me to have. I did not do this. My right thinking did not do this. My thinking of others did not do this. God did. Just being in His presence changes us slowly but surely. In the same way that in spending lots of time with another person, we pick up their mannerisms and figures of speech. As God fills our hearts with Himself, He helps to fill in the canyons of Depression and lay down the pathways of Joy.
Like the other dragons, Depression usually starts out as a little egg in selfish poor-me thinking. I remember even as a child, turning everything around to being my fault in my head and spending a great deal of time feeling sorry for myself. I grew up with a mom who spoke negatively about herself much of the time too so in some ways I suppose I came by it naturally, but that doesn't make it alright. I remember reading in the Bible that we should "love our neighbor as ourself" and wondering how that could be a good thing when I hated myself. Every thought I spoke toward myself was critical. Considering this pattern started by the time I was 6 or 7 years old, it's no wonder that it had grown to be in control of me by the time I hit puberty. And then the hormones came in and compounded everything. Life became nothing but darkness and pain. I'd lay on my bed, listening to the radio and just thinking - seldom good thoughts. I prayed over and over for God to take me Home to Heaven. I thought about how much better off everyone would be without me around. And eventually, after listening to those lies long enough, my thinking became so deluded that I actually believed it was God's will for me to kill myself. Looking back, I'm amazed that my logic could be so completely messed up, but there, in my 18 year old brain that I'd filled for years with lies and darkness - yes, *I* did it to myself - it made pefect sense. I am so ashamed at what I put the people who loved me through - at how truly selfish I was.
As I lay in a hospital bed wondering why God had not let me die, I came to see that He had a purpose for my life. It didn't get all better right away. There were years of fighting that dragon still to come, but the journey was begun and I am so thankful for it!
As with the other dragons, thanking and praising God, letting Him live through us, and taking thoughts captive is key. No matter what dragon you face in your life, those things will be crucial to be able to slay it, but there are times when it seems impossible to even do those things. Sometimes the canyon of wrong thinking has grown so deep that from the bottom, there seems to be no way up. It seems useless to even try. Here are some things that have helped me start climbing - simply putting one foot in front of the other in spite of the seeming futility of it all - until one day, I could look back and see progress!
First - get busy! I've often wondered why it is that more people suffer from depression now than say 100 years ago. I've come to believe that a lot of it may be simply more time to think. When great grandmother spent her days from before sun-up to after sun-down chasing toddlers, cleaning so much more and better than I do today, scrubbing the laundry by hand and hanging it to dry, taking care of animals and gardens, canning, making the soap and the candles, cooking everything from scratch, sewing all of their clothes, she went to bed tired but satisfied with all she had accomplished and content to have a life filled with purpose. Everything she did contributed to her family's survival. Today, we may rush around more, keeping ourselves busy with activity after activity, but at the end of the day, the brain is still way too active, leaving ourselves time to think upon our *selves*. Too much introspection is not a good thing. There may be times when we don't *feel* like doing anything and we have to force ourselves to just try. Sometimes simply going for a walk in the sunshine (or just the fresh air on days when the sun isn't shining) can be enough to get us started. Sometimes depression can be worsened by a lack of sunlight and a lack of exercise, so a walk can help both of those things. Even if it's just a little bit, it is a start, and it gives your brain something to think about besides your feelings.
Second, stop believing lies. When you tell yourself, "I'm an idiot" or "I never do anything right", you are telling yourself a lie. And we all know who the father of lies is. The truth is that you are special, dear, precious, loved, a wonderful child of God. When you tell yourself those negative things, what you are really saying is, "God made me garbage." "He doesn't really care about me." We are lying not just about ourselves, but about God too! We have spent so many days of our lives telling ourselves these wrong things. We need to acknowledge them as wrong and start laying down the paths that are right. It will take many days, months, even years of right thinking to dig out of those canyons, but it is not hopeless. We need to immerse ourselves in the truth. Turning on Christian music, spending time in Bible reading, reading other Christian books are all ways of doing this. One of the books that I found helpful was called Come Away My Beloved by Frances J. Roberts. Adding one section of that book a day to my time of Bible reading helped bring God's words to a personal level. I started to understand and truly believe that God loves ME! What an incredible revelation this is! And when I realized how much He loves me and is personally involved in my life, I began to literally fall in love with Him. This falling in love, brings thoughts of Him rather than thoughts of *self* to the forefront of our minds.
Which brings us to the third action - take JOY! I'm sure you've heard the acronym before - Jesus, Others, Yourself. Often we limit this to meaning what's most important in our lives, and this is true. But it's easy to say, Jesus is more important to me than myself, while still acting like I am more important. It was a huge leap in understanding for me to see that all those critical thoughts toward myself were just as selfish and wrong as too many self-loving and arrogant thoughts. In truth, self hating, poor-me, sorry for myself thoughts are just another form of self love. Because, what we love most is what we think about most. The Bible tells us in Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." What is more true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy than a dear, wonderful, almighty yet personable God? Proverbs 23:7 says, "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." The things we think about most are the kind of person we become! So our thoughts need to be so much more on God first, others second, and ourselves least.
This simply thinking of others is another great way to combat our dragons and make it easier to take our thoughts captive. There are so many needs around us that we can pray about and give and do where and what we can. Getting outside ourselves is a huge help in this battle of the mind. In the turning channels to take our thoughts captive, the channel of petition for others is another one of the more powerful channels to turn to.
All these things are not the answer in themselves, they are merely tools. There was apparently a study recently that said that "positive thinking" doesn't help depression. If our "positive" thoughts are not based in the Biblically true, right, and good things and in our personal relationship with our Lord and Savior, they are not going to be much help. And as we said with the yellow dragon, if our positive thoughts are trying to take those negative thoughts and switch them, while still really holding onto the negatives, they can't do much good then either. But as these tools bring us into a closer relationship with our wonderful Heavenly Father, He works in our hearts and changes us from the inside out. Over the years of fellowshipping with my Lord, my heart has literally been changed from a heart of darkness and stone, to one that is soft and open to the joy and peace God wants me to have. I did not do this. My right thinking did not do this. My thinking of others did not do this. God did. Just being in His presence changes us slowly but surely. In the same way that in spending lots of time with another person, we pick up their mannerisms and figures of speech. As God fills our hearts with Himself, He helps to fill in the canyons of Depression and lay down the pathways of Joy.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Slaying the Dragons - The Yellow Dragon
Fear is one of the strongest emotions we experience as human beings. It brings a clear and obvious hormonal/chemical reaction in the brain - a release of adrenaline and what is called a fight or flight response. As moms, we have many things to be fearful about. finances, swimming pools, fire, tornadoes, high ledges, balloons, hot coffee, pedophiles, the direction our country is headed, and on and on and on. It is easy to become afraid. But God says over and over in the Bible to "fear not". One of my favorite passages is Phillipians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. "
Like the red dragon of anger, the yellow dragon of fear can have quiet beginnings. It's just a little egg. It's just the normal thoughts and feelings that anybody has. But, it can easily grow out of control - and into control of our lives. I was speaking with a friend today who struggles with fear and we talked about the roots - begun way back in childhood. In one case, an encounter with a big dog was dwelt upon and thought about, the emotions allowed to fester. Each trigger along the way - the sound of a chain moving in the wind, the glimpse of a big dog - brought back all that original fear and cemented it in her brain. Other episodes with different fears were "handled" in the same way, until the fear became an integral part of who she was, growing bigger and bigger with each reinforcement. When a huge trial came into her life, it's no wonder that the predominant emotion (although many would have fit) was fear. That trial grew the fear into debilitating panic that lasted a long time. She is still dealing with the fallout.
It would be easy to look at the debilitating fear as something sudden, from outside of herself, over which she had no control. But looking back, the eggs were laid and incubated from early childhood. There are many who cry foul at this. How dare we say that our mental illnesses are rooted in our own wrong thinking? How can we blame a child who doesn't know any better? Are we saying that if our faith was just stronger, if we just read the Bible and prayed more, we wouldn't be sad/scared/angry/bitter/etc.?
The point is that it is not about blame, but simply about consequences. God says that the wages of sin is death. He says that we are born with a sinful human nature. Each child is born with the consequences of sin already at work in his life. We may cry, "unfair!" but that doesn't change the facts. In the same sense, our thoughts and especially our dwelling on certain thoughts, has consequences, both emotional and physical, even as little children. As we think and learn, pathways are literally created in our brain, chemicals are brought into play, and memory files are created. Each time those pathways are repeated, they are strengthened until paths become ruts and sometimes ruts even become canyons.
So, how do we break free? How do we slay the dragon of fear? I believe there are three main weapons here again.
First, we need to say, "Lord, I can't, but You can!" When Fear is overwhelming you and the dragon is sitting on your chest and you feel like you can't even breathe, like it has become a tangible heaviness, like you don't even know if you *want* to fight it anymore - that's when God has to take control and do the fighting. And He will! It may not be the immediate relief that we may want. My friend told me of many times that she cried out to God in her fear and He graciously gave her an overwhelming feeling of His presence. The fear did not go away, but God was clearly there with her in the midst of it. It reminds me of the song by Scott Kripayne, "Sometimes He calms the storm, but other times He calms His child".
Second, we need to learn to take our thoughts captive as the Bible says. This is something few of us are taught to do, especially as children, when it would have been quite handy to never have allowed these dragons into our lives in the first place. We have been told *to* do it, but not really *how* to do it. Often we have a thought, like fearing that our child will inhale a piece of a popped balloon. We have heard stories of children dying in this way. We hear the story and it makes an impression. As we think about it, it produces a chemical response in the brain, which produces a fear emotion and cements the image in our minds. Now, we see our child with a balloon in his mouth and our brain calls up that image. If we allow ourselves to entertain the thought for more than a minute our two, the adrenaline starts to flow and the fear becomes stronger. Do that often enough with enough different scenarios, and eventually the fear becomes a defining factor of who we are. Taking a thought captive works best if we can capture it within that first 1-2 minute window - before the brain's chemicals become involved. This does not mean for instance that we see something that triggers a memory of something fearful, the image comes to mind, and we tell ourselves, "I won't think about that. I won't think about that. I won't think about that." Trust me, it doesn't work. We're still thinking about that! It also does not work if we are telling ourselves, "I don't have to fear. God can use this for good in this way or that way and maybe He's doing this or that in my life through it." We're still thinking about that! What we need to do is get it gone entirely.
I liken this to changing the channel in our brains. From what I've been reading lately and what I've experienced, our brain can only *really* concentrate on one thing - one strong thought or emotion - at a time. So we need to change the channel. We don't have to go directly from the channel of fear to the channel of perfect peace. (or the channel of anger to the channel of true love, or the channel of despair to the channel of high flying joy) Often it works better to switch to the cooking channel, the home decorating channel, the what do I need to get done today channel. Any channel that does not have any connection to the thought that you are taking captive. Put your mind on something - anything - entirely different. It may niggle at the back of your brain, but it can't control you unless you turn back to that channel. And if you do - change it again. Each of us have certain thoughts, certain areas of life that are dangerous for us to think on. For me, it may be thoughts that lead to depression, for my friend, it may be thoughts that lead to fear. Psalm 131: 1b-2 says, "I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me." Those thoughts that are too great, too hard for us are matters that must be trusted to God's care. Once we have put reasonable precautions for our children's safety into place, and we know that God is in control and will not allow anything into our lives that He has not ordained, we can not dwell, fixate, or mull over those thoughts any more. We have to simply turn the channel.
Which leads us to the third weapon - praise! The Bible says in Romans 8:15, "For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. " and in Isaiah 49:15-16, "Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me."
I LOVE that image! We are graven upon the palms of His hands - quite literally by the nails on the cross! We are His dear and precious children and He loves us so very very much. We have so much to praise Him for. Even those emotions that threaten to overtake us, we can thank and Praise Him for allowing them into our lives, drawing us closer to Him. When we change the channel, the Praise channel is a very powerful channel to switch to. Satan may fight us for a little while, but eventually he must flee, holding his fingers in his ears! That Phillipians passage says to use prayer and petitions WITH thanksgiving! For me, I've found that in the moment of channel switching, a brief "Thankyou, Lord" prayer helps immensely. By that I mean, "Thankyou, Lord that You are in control no matter what, even if I don't feel like it right now." Keep it short, then, SWITCH! Praise Him, not in relation to the negative thought, but just for who He is.
There is a place to consider the effects of female hormones and health issues on one's emotions. I am not discounting that at all, though I will wait to discuss it more in length in another post. I will say though that I don't believe throwing drugs that cause more calming chemicals to be present in the brain at the problem is the answer. They do nothing to change or help the underlying causes, and for many people do more harm than good.
So until next time, God bless you as you fight the yellow dragons in your life.
Like the red dragon of anger, the yellow dragon of fear can have quiet beginnings. It's just a little egg. It's just the normal thoughts and feelings that anybody has. But, it can easily grow out of control - and into control of our lives. I was speaking with a friend today who struggles with fear and we talked about the roots - begun way back in childhood. In one case, an encounter with a big dog was dwelt upon and thought about, the emotions allowed to fester. Each trigger along the way - the sound of a chain moving in the wind, the glimpse of a big dog - brought back all that original fear and cemented it in her brain. Other episodes with different fears were "handled" in the same way, until the fear became an integral part of who she was, growing bigger and bigger with each reinforcement. When a huge trial came into her life, it's no wonder that the predominant emotion (although many would have fit) was fear. That trial grew the fear into debilitating panic that lasted a long time. She is still dealing with the fallout.
It would be easy to look at the debilitating fear as something sudden, from outside of herself, over which she had no control. But looking back, the eggs were laid and incubated from early childhood. There are many who cry foul at this. How dare we say that our mental illnesses are rooted in our own wrong thinking? How can we blame a child who doesn't know any better? Are we saying that if our faith was just stronger, if we just read the Bible and prayed more, we wouldn't be sad/scared/angry/bitter/etc.?
The point is that it is not about blame, but simply about consequences. God says that the wages of sin is death. He says that we are born with a sinful human nature. Each child is born with the consequences of sin already at work in his life. We may cry, "unfair!" but that doesn't change the facts. In the same sense, our thoughts and especially our dwelling on certain thoughts, has consequences, both emotional and physical, even as little children. As we think and learn, pathways are literally created in our brain, chemicals are brought into play, and memory files are created. Each time those pathways are repeated, they are strengthened until paths become ruts and sometimes ruts even become canyons.
So, how do we break free? How do we slay the dragon of fear? I believe there are three main weapons here again.
First, we need to say, "Lord, I can't, but You can!" When Fear is overwhelming you and the dragon is sitting on your chest and you feel like you can't even breathe, like it has become a tangible heaviness, like you don't even know if you *want* to fight it anymore - that's when God has to take control and do the fighting. And He will! It may not be the immediate relief that we may want. My friend told me of many times that she cried out to God in her fear and He graciously gave her an overwhelming feeling of His presence. The fear did not go away, but God was clearly there with her in the midst of it. It reminds me of the song by Scott Kripayne, "Sometimes He calms the storm, but other times He calms His child".
Second, we need to learn to take our thoughts captive as the Bible says. This is something few of us are taught to do, especially as children, when it would have been quite handy to never have allowed these dragons into our lives in the first place. We have been told *to* do it, but not really *how* to do it. Often we have a thought, like fearing that our child will inhale a piece of a popped balloon. We have heard stories of children dying in this way. We hear the story and it makes an impression. As we think about it, it produces a chemical response in the brain, which produces a fear emotion and cements the image in our minds. Now, we see our child with a balloon in his mouth and our brain calls up that image. If we allow ourselves to entertain the thought for more than a minute our two, the adrenaline starts to flow and the fear becomes stronger. Do that often enough with enough different scenarios, and eventually the fear becomes a defining factor of who we are. Taking a thought captive works best if we can capture it within that first 1-2 minute window - before the brain's chemicals become involved. This does not mean for instance that we see something that triggers a memory of something fearful, the image comes to mind, and we tell ourselves, "I won't think about that. I won't think about that. I won't think about that." Trust me, it doesn't work. We're still thinking about that! It also does not work if we are telling ourselves, "I don't have to fear. God can use this for good in this way or that way and maybe He's doing this or that in my life through it." We're still thinking about that! What we need to do is get it gone entirely.
I liken this to changing the channel in our brains. From what I've been reading lately and what I've experienced, our brain can only *really* concentrate on one thing - one strong thought or emotion - at a time. So we need to change the channel. We don't have to go directly from the channel of fear to the channel of perfect peace. (or the channel of anger to the channel of true love, or the channel of despair to the channel of high flying joy) Often it works better to switch to the cooking channel, the home decorating channel, the what do I need to get done today channel. Any channel that does not have any connection to the thought that you are taking captive. Put your mind on something - anything - entirely different. It may niggle at the back of your brain, but it can't control you unless you turn back to that channel. And if you do - change it again. Each of us have certain thoughts, certain areas of life that are dangerous for us to think on. For me, it may be thoughts that lead to depression, for my friend, it may be thoughts that lead to fear. Psalm 131: 1b-2 says, "I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me." Those thoughts that are too great, too hard for us are matters that must be trusted to God's care. Once we have put reasonable precautions for our children's safety into place, and we know that God is in control and will not allow anything into our lives that He has not ordained, we can not dwell, fixate, or mull over those thoughts any more. We have to simply turn the channel.
Which leads us to the third weapon - praise! The Bible says in Romans 8:15, "For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. " and in Isaiah 49:15-16, "Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me."
I LOVE that image! We are graven upon the palms of His hands - quite literally by the nails on the cross! We are His dear and precious children and He loves us so very very much. We have so much to praise Him for. Even those emotions that threaten to overtake us, we can thank and Praise Him for allowing them into our lives, drawing us closer to Him. When we change the channel, the Praise channel is a very powerful channel to switch to. Satan may fight us for a little while, but eventually he must flee, holding his fingers in his ears! That Phillipians passage says to use prayer and petitions WITH thanksgiving! For me, I've found that in the moment of channel switching, a brief "Thankyou, Lord" prayer helps immensely. By that I mean, "Thankyou, Lord that You are in control no matter what, even if I don't feel like it right now." Keep it short, then, SWITCH! Praise Him, not in relation to the negative thought, but just for who He is.
There is a place to consider the effects of female hormones and health issues on one's emotions. I am not discounting that at all, though I will wait to discuss it more in length in another post. I will say though that I don't believe throwing drugs that cause more calming chemicals to be present in the brain at the problem is the answer. They do nothing to change or help the underlying causes, and for many people do more harm than good.
So until next time, God bless you as you fight the yellow dragons in your life.
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