Watching for the Morning

I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.
My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning. Ps. 130:5-6

While I was in labor with Savannah, I shared with my friend, Jewels that I was remembering another labor.

When I had my Emilie, I labored all night long. She was not in a good position for birth so I had problems with uneven dilation and double and triple peak contractions. And it just kept on going. and going. Until the early hours of the morning, when suddenly she was here!

As I lay in the bed with her after she'd taken her first breath and snuggled in to nurse like a champion, the verse came to mind,

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning"! (Ps. 30:5)

I told Jewels that I knew the morning *would* come this time too, but that I thought it would take a lot longer.

Am I still waiting for the morning? Yes, and no.

I've seen so many glimpses of God's sunlight, felt so much joy in my heart, I can't really say that I haven't seen the morning.

Yet at the same time, I've felt such deep sorrow, cried out in such pain, how could this not still be the night?

Are the glimpses of the sun mere mirages?

No, I think that in this life, it is as it is in this natural world. Day follows night follows day. There will be times of joy and times of sorrow times of smiles and times of tears. I guess it's no different than what Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes - there is a time for everything.

I live my life trusting that the day will come again - both the day here in this life and the DAY of eternity.

Yet, it's not just the hope of a better tomorrow that keeps me going, it is knowing that even in the darkness, God is here - loving me - holding me - letting me cry - and then exchanging my thoughts for His. I suppose I could hang onto the pain and let it turn into bitterness, and for a moment - less than a moment - I think about living in a place that cries "Why me?" "Where is God?" And the darkness is more than I can bear. I *must* take those thoughts captive. I *must* say thankyou to my dear Heavenly Daddy for allowing even this. And then He once again takes my hand, leads me a little further down the path, and points me to the dawn.

One of the passages that God has made so dear to me recently is Psalm 42:7-8

Deep calls to deep at the sound of Your waterfalls; All Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me. The LORD will command His lovingkindness in the daytime; And His song will be with me in the night, A prayer to the God of my life.

I love that! All YOUR breakers and YOUR waves - none of this is a surprise to God. They are His breakers and waves, allowed in my life for His wonderful purpose!

The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime - His mercies truly are new every morning!

And His song will be with me in the night - But even in the night, when the sorrow rolls over me - once again, He is here - singing His lullabye of love - over His dear child!

God gave me a new song yesterday that fits this so well:

I Am Here

When my heart is overwhelmed, and I've never felt such fear,

Never seen such darkness, never cried so many tears -

When I cannot feel Your hand and my heart cries, "Where is God?"

Then I hear Your still, small voice say,

"I am here."

And in the night, Your song sings over me -

Quietly - Gently -

Your love surrounding me,

And peace, like gentle rain, soaks into my soul.

My soul waits for the morning.

I trust there will be a morning,

But even in the night, Your song sings,
"I am here."

When the path on which You've led me is anything but clear -

So infused with danger, so devoid of cheer -

When I look at what's around me, and my heart cries, "Lord, why me?"

Then I hear your still, small voice say,

"I am here."

And in the night, Your song sings over me -
Quietly - Gently -
Your love surrounding me,
And peace, like gentle rain, soaks into my soul.
My soul waits for the morning.
I trust there will be a morning,
But even in the night, Your song sings, "I am here."

For now I see dimly, as in a poor mirror

But one day, Your truth I will view.

In faith, I will listen to Your voice, so dear

And trust You whatever You do.

For even in the night, Your song sings over me -
Quietly - Gently -
Your love surrounding me,
And peace, like gentle rain, soaks into my soul.
My soul waits for the morning.
I trust there will be a morning,
But even in the night, Your song sings, "I am here."