Thursday, March 19, 2009

Watching for the Morning


I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.
My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning. Ps. 130:5-6


While I was in labor with Savannah, I shared with my friend, Jewels that I was remembering another labor.


When I had my Emilie, I labored all night long. She was not in a good position for birth so I had problems with uneven dilation and double and triple peak contractions. And it just kept on going. and going. Until the early hours of the morning, when suddenly she was here!


As I lay in the bed with her after she'd taken her first breath and snuggled in to nurse like a champion, the verse came to mind,


"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning"! (Ps. 30:5)
I told Jewels that I knew the morning *would* come this time too, but that I thought it would take a lot longer.
Am I still waiting for the morning? Yes, and no.
I've seen so many glimpses of God's sunlight, felt so much joy in my heart, I can't really say that I haven't seen the morning.
Yet at the same time, I've felt such deep sorrow, cried out in such pain, how could this not still be the night?
Are the glimpses of the sun mere mirages?
No, I think that in this life, it is as it is in this natural world. Day follows night follows day. There will be times of joy and times of sorrow times of smiles and times of tears. I guess it's no different than what Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes - there is a time for everything.
I live my life trusting that the day will come again - both the day here in this life and the DAY of eternity.
Yet, it's not just the hope of a better tomorrow that keeps me going, it is knowing that even in the darkness, God is here - loving me - holding me - letting me cry - and then exchanging my thoughts for His. I suppose I could hang onto the pain and let it turn into bitterness, and for a moment - less than a moment - I think about living in a place that cries "Why me?" "Where is God?" And the darkness is more than I can bear. I *must* take those thoughts captive. I *must* say thankyou to my dear Heavenly Daddy for allowing even this. And then He once again takes my hand, leads me a little further down the path, and points me to the dawn.
One of the passages that God has made so dear to me recently is Psalm 42:7-8
Deep calls to deep at the sound of Your waterfalls; All Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me. The LORD will command His lovingkindness in the daytime; And His song will be with me in the night, A prayer to the God of my life.
I love that! All YOUR breakers and YOUR waves - none of this is a surprise to God. They are His breakers and waves, allowed in my life for His wonderful purpose!
The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime - His mercies truly are new every morning!
And His song will be with me in the night - But even in the night, when the sorrow rolls over me - once again, He is here - singing His lullabye of love - over His dear child!
God gave me a new song yesterday that fits this so well:
I Am Here
When my heart is overwhelmed, and I've never felt such fear,
Never seen such darkness, never cried so many tears -
When I cannot feel Your hand and my heart cries, "Where is God?"
Then I hear Your still, small voice say,
"I am here."
And in the night, Your song sings over me -
Quietly - Gently -
Your love surrounding me,
And peace, like gentle rain, soaks into my soul.
My soul waits for the morning.
I trust there will be a morning,
But even in the night, Your song sings,
"I am here."
When the path on which You've led me is anything but clear -
So infused with danger, so devoid of cheer -
When I look at what's around me, and my heart cries, "Lord, why me?"
Then I hear your still, small voice say,
"I am here."
And in the night, Your song sings over me -
Quietly - Gently -
Your love surrounding me,
And peace, like gentle rain, soaks into my soul.
My soul waits for the morning.
I trust there will be a morning,
But even in the night, Your song sings, "I am here."
For now I see dimly, as in a poor mirror
But one day, Your truth I will view.
In faith, I will listen to Your voice, so dear
And trust You whatever You do.
For even in the night, Your song sings over me -
Quietly - Gently -
Your love surrounding me,
And peace, like gentle rain, soaks into my soul.
My soul waits for the morning.
I trust there will be a morning,
But even in the night, Your song sings, "I am here."

12 comments:

  1. Rest in His love, sweet one. Cry out . . . rail . . . sob . . . snuggle deep. I have been in the dark shadows of loss (deep loss) and I have found His downy wing to be all the comfort I needed . . . though the pain resurfaces, He faileth not. Immovable He is, though I am moved to tears.

    My prayers continue as you walk this path -- your blessed path, paved with such sorrow for a time.

    Prayers to you,
    Debbie

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  2. ((((Heidi)))) That was so wonderful, Heidi! I am continuing to pray for you and your family, dearest one.

    Blessings,

    ~Kathy

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  3. Dearest Heidi, I am touched deeply by your beautiful song and how God's grace is covering you with His love, peace, gentleness, trust, hope and even joy through this darkest of times. You are faithful and certainly trusting that He is there. Lord, keep touching her so profoundly and let your peace consume her just as her love for you is all consuming. Praise to your holy name!

    Much love,
    Alleluiabelle

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  4. My prayers are with you ~ He will continue to sustain you.

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  5. HEDI,THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL.WE ARE STILL PRAYIN FOR YOU AND YOUR PRECIOUS FAMILY!I THANK GOD FOR OUR FRIENDSHIP.HAVE A VERY BLESSED WEEKEND!SENDING YOU LOTS OF HUGS!

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  6. Heidi,

    I can related well sort of....I have had depression for many years. I remember times when I would awake having faith that God would take me through that day...and He did.

    I would wake up early to sit outside to just be with Him...I was so lonely He was always there.

    I would read the Bible knowing the words that I read were written to comfort me..and they did.

    The darkness that I have seen was so dark...I can't even explain how dark it was...but He was there.

    I will be praying for you~~He is so wonderful!!
    He knows what is best everytime!!

    Much Love to you!!!!

    ~Renee

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  7. Renee,
    ((((hugs)))) I'm praying for you in your place of darkness. I too have seen the darkness of depression, and for me at least, it was SO MUCH darker than this darkness I am in now - because I had not yet learned to take thoughts captive. I allowed myself to live in a place of bitterness and pain and deepest darkness for way too long. I am so thankful to hear that you are trusting God in this time instead of hanging on to and focusing on the pain. I believe He can heal you if you are willing to do that. Keep trusting in Him and living in faith. He loves you so very very much!
    - Heidi

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  8. I so needed this reminder today Heidi. I too have struggled with depression on and off for years (but getting better as I learn to give thanks in ALL THINGS and take those thoughts captive), and you are so very right, those thoughts need to be taken captive. To entertain them and allow them makes the darkness so much worse.
    I was sooooooo very blessed by your post below on the breast milk. How good God is. May God bless you and keep you, give you peace and cause His face to shine upon you. (which it already does) Your love and faith shines, pointing to Him.

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  9. I love reading your posts. Thank you so very much.
    Theresa Taylor

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  10. Dear Theresa,
    I hope you see this. :) A dear sweet lady recently emailed me to ask if she could send me a cd that had been a blessing to her. I too, would like to listen to that still small voice in my heart prompting me to reach out to another. I have a cd of my songs that I'd love to be able to send to you. Please, if you think it might be a blessing to you at all, email me with your address. I am praying for you so!
    God bless you,
    - Heidi

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  11. Theresa, my prayers are with you. I have experience the dark night of the soul and I know that God's grace can carry us through anything. His grace is sufficient. His love is bountiful. His truth endures all things. May God's face shine upon you and the peace that passes all understanding rest on your soul.
    Debylin

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  12. Reading here makes me feel that I'm much farther behind you on this road - or am on the wrong road altogether.

    Hugs anyhow,

    AK

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